After a year's hiatus, you'd expect a nice update post, some banter about being an ex-nerd fast approaching 50 ... but this won't be that post.
See, it's been a sucky day.
A 16-year-old kid, the son of the little brother of a guy I graduated with, killed himself this morning. On the day after Mother's Day.
Selfish little bastard. I don't care how bad his pain was, there's no excuse for putting his mother and grandmother through that pain. They'll never be able to celebrate Mother's Day again without this hanging over it.
They said he got picked on at school. Tough. We all did. That's no excuse.
He had friends. I know he did. I know what they're posting on Facebook now. RIP and all that -- hell, no, I say. They're being much nicer than I think is warranted. He betrayed them, too. But I think they're afraid to say they're mad at him. There is a lot of social pressure in that group to be kind, loving, understanding ... even if that's not what you really are at the moment.
Funny thing is, I've been through it -- depression, being the weird one, not "getting" people, relationships breaking up, hating being a woman because of the physical pain, hating being alive because of the psychic pain -- and it doesn't make me more sympathetic.
Exactly the opposite. If I could survive it, then I feel like anyone who doesn't is an idiot and a coward.
Nerds know pain. And nerds are just stubborn and self-centered enough to figure the rest of the world has to put up with us the way we are, so there, nyah nyah nyah.
I do not feel sorry for healthy people who commit suicide. However bad it is, it always gets better. Always.
Wait it out. And if it doesn't get better by the time you're, say, 80 or 90, then go ahead and off yourself.
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Love you. I think throughout my childhood, as I went from awkward to painful to horrible, I kept the mantra "it's been worse" and "it will get better".. I was right on both counts.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard for those who love someone to be mad, right away. It will come. Right now, they are filled with love for this child, and filled with grief for themselves.
But yeah. "If I could survive it, then I feel like anyone who doesn't is an idiot and a coward." It's hard not to lead with that sometimes....
When I was in high school I was drawn to the outcasts (go figure) and, often, I would have a friend who was contemplating suicide. Maybe it was that they were willing to talk about their pain that saved them, but I like to think I played a part. I have always told people that I will not go to the funeral of someone who killed themselves.
ReplyDeleteI feel the same way you do, Mary. If you're young and healthy, then suicide is a cop out. There is ALWAYS help, you might be too proud to ask for it, but it's there for *everyone*.
. i have been in that place. it is so scary and dark and cold and alone.and you hear sounds and feel things crawling on you and you are so so tired. and there is no escape..NONE. i did not see any light at the end of the tunnel and i know that if i did, i am sure it would have been a train heading my way. depression and mental illness is so misunderstood. still in 2010 your post proves that.
ReplyDeletei wonder why his mom did not see any signs. was she disconnected with him in some way?
people who kill themselves are in such pain. it is a pain that in less you have been there you can not comprehend. yes i am blessed that my depression is under control. but that is only by the grace of g*d or who ever it is that takes care of that stuff
i would encourage you to not judge him on his last action. i know that he was welcomed into his makers arms and held close.
the good thing about suicide is that the pain that agony and complete loss of control is finely done
one more thing. being bullied is not as be-nine as it used to be. with the advent of social media it has gone to a very bad bad place in fact it is malignant.
poor thing bless his heart.
A very late followup to this post:
ReplyDeleteTwo weeks later, on May 26, the boy's father also committed suicide. No words. Just shattered.